clcouch123

a study in scarring

1

my lower back hurts

that’s honest

from what
I can guess of all
the movements I have made
though
I am not inside my back
can’t calibrate or re-calibrate
the muscles

without knowledge
on location
what
to apply to help the most

x-rays might help
and medical people to interpret
and
prognose

but we say such pain will go away
as I am saying to myself
just now

and I’ll be right
and should there be a legacy
a favoring of hurt
within
my back
well
I won’t know

so should I call

and
doubt I will
I see doctors enough for more vital
reasons
and I did mention this yesterday
to the nurse who sympathized
but didn’t offer more
and
did I ask

I didn’t

and I’m wondering about pain
and then to anger
because I could get angry
over
something
someone

why didn’t the solution I purchased
that the basketball player
promoted
work better
if at all

why are our backs made
so fragilely
after all

I mean in the beginning
	with Genesis
	and all

then
why is the world the way it is
and
shouldn’t I get angry at unequal
injustice
anyway
and for a style

and if there were reins
I could pull back
to indicate
that pain might be the reason for all anger
but
in my back is not enough

combining every pain
not world-enough
either

sigh

but mine and all the rest
well

so I want
to say something about anger from pain
how pain is the root
of
all of it
like sin for pride
though can we say all pain
is sin
and I’m unsure that we can

but the angry person we avoid
while
the hurtful we may approach even
with better luck to help
and
the irony in
knowing these are
the same

and
hmm
something to ponder while I hurt
and in all the ways
then to consider
what my attitude
leading
to my actions
well
shall be

and
yes
we can admit we hurt
and there’s a measure given
and the hurt
shall go away except
it doesn’t

then pain to anger and maybe
to hate
and I can only hope it doesn’t go so far
but
it is a hateful world
and so I must
wonder
as if to wander from
hurt to anger and
to hate
and then from hate to anger
then to who is hurt
by cause

and how
and now what

2

and now I’m thinking on it
(the now
what
from pain)
I have to think on scars

I have scars from falling
and from wounds
more so
that nature caused

and there are scars
on backs
and how they go there but through beatings
by injustice

torture by order

subjects
soldiers
slaves
especially the enslaved

victims all
which is a different kind of pain
I think
a hurt with reason to move to anger
and to hate

and should we not hate injustice
and
I think we should

and then in progress
I must think
what
of love

what is the loving thing to do

well
not
to use the lash
in the first place

but
it happened and now what

goodness
are there ways to love the lashed and also
love the lasher

even the victims might be challenges
as I
could know

say
to love the lashed and let them speak
let them tell
the story of themselves
and
how they fell in a world with the unscarred

should there be any
yet
leave time for that truth in things

to treat the victim
as any other
meaning individual and special
specially made
and even
for a special purpose

and so
too
brought
to justice treat the lasher

maybe punishment
yet these are made by God as well
and yet
goodness
(in the second part
again)
how
to love these

and we may
if by confusion and uncertainty
in faith we may love these
as well

for well
all around

c l couch


photo by Inge Poelman on Unsplash

(a pun in English at the end with "well" and "well,"
which might not translate--sorry)