by the Merton prayer
I’m sorry
I still
don’t know what
to do
at least Merton when he confessed in prayer
was
somewhere where he struggled
yet
three squares and community
and not in jail
but in a place enclosing faith so it might
expand
by life and learning
as two gospel causes
in
the contending world
and
I want some peer-feeling
too
if a guess that it is good to be here
knowing there are others if
only for presence
even
guessed at
and that we’re praying for each other
more so for the world
all
the time
rule the nation by prayer
as mocked in the play
and
yet self-fule and group-rule founds
the way
after will and training or
simply kneel to
ask
about whatever’s happening and
may your will
be done and mine
by yours
so sigh
yes
I’d like a group for this
and closer in
I’d like to know what would please you
by me
and then me to be it
and to do it
c l couch
Thomas Merton’s prayer that begins
“My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
. . .”
the comment about ruling by prayer is in A Man for All Seasons
photo by Alessandro Guarino on Unsplash
"Silhouettes at the Edge of the Sea"
Strangers pause on a whitewashed platform jutting into the Mediterranean as the last light of day bleeds orange across the horizon. A quiet moment between people and the infinite — somewhere along the Ligurian coast, Italy.
Nervi, Genoa, Metropolitan City of Genoa, Italy
sun is over snow
like the paradox of doubt
with faith for healing
c l couch
photo by Haylee Marick on Unsplash
if there were great expectations
what is expected of us old
which
I’m still trying
to tell
(both kinds
of
telling)
because the line in me goes back
to childhood
with what is remembered
keenly felt
too
often
against which
I think I am supposed to be invisible
by
youthful society
of all those whippersnappers
who
don’t know
I think I’m pushed to say
how good
things are for them
yet they might know
while
I have some whipping
(unliteral but
sharp)
and some
(whatever)
snapping still to
snap
new robes of office
like those honestly
wary
by the lords in Macbeth
or
the pretending gift of Medea’s
poisoned cloak
that
once worn bursts in flame
for
all our sins
piled on to curse
to prove energy
though
delight can become danger
when
expended
if like the artist
no longer young yet
working out
significance in what is now
(again
obliged)
the dry time of
the day
so then try
untry
if not unfeared the journey not
untrapped
by who is the child
who
is older
c l couch
photo by Lisa Yount on Unsplash
[still wanting to fly]
cloudy days be good
and now there’s nothing
nothing new
renewing
and shall I say
the devil
won
and not really since
the devil is too small
and by the end
or even
now
unvictoried
if I let my spirit down
as in descent
now
that is something
and how far to go and then
to start my soul
back up
toward land and sky
again
and now the fool is mentioned
and the fool for Christ
comes
to mind
in
that the world thinks it’s wise
and admittedly
faith built on no evidence
material does
seen
nonsensical
if not Seussical
but like the cat
there’s foolish fun
especially
in
rain
(if in the house while it rains)
when clouds shall run
until the sun
return
with the typical
the good play when it’s easy-bright
and it is
and should be
but should
the rain persist wherever
some
foolish reasoning
be apt
as in have faith in the sun
find interest in the rain
believe
that both
and so many things
have
value
the better parts
supporting faith and does it go
better
the other way around
faith first
and faith below
and faith above and wherever
in
lack of transparency
we through the dark glass
choose
and live
to believe
c l couch
(with allusioning to The Cat in the Hat by Doctor Seuss, also 1 Corinthians)
photo by Damien Dufour on Unsplash
“Same Old,” “Same New,” two poems about faith and doubt (or doubt and faith)
Same Old
I’ve written
On these themes before
And sorry for
The repetition
Sometimes
I know
And deal in the same
The seasons
Say
Because these things wear well
At least on me
Like shoes that fit
At last
Or stories that we like
To tell
The substance of Dad
Jokes
No doubt
But here I deal
Because
I must confess that some things get
To me
Which might be sole motivation
For
Classic-worthy writers
(like the class that earns
gold medals)
but
Sometimes I fear as well in addition to
The trouble
Heartless
Of the intellect
Where do we go
And why the lack of permission
To know
I could take gnosis or agnosis
I suppose
But beyond
Secret knowledge
And the memberships
How do we
Know
As anyone
To know for
Real
When even feelings of assurance
Fail
While our God says
Through lore
That God loves us
And wants
If not aches
For all of us be joined with God sometime
Well
The testimonies that we have
Discuss doubt
Even in those right before the Lord
Not
For us
From ages past
Hmm
Maybe there’s something there
In I believe
Help my unbelief
The
Salvation formula clearly given
And yet
One must admit to doubting
Even in the face
Or by the words of
God
Moses
Miriam
Others
With the loving parent brought before
The Christ
In order for the child to be healed
And told
Believe
Is all
And must say to Christ
I believe
And I don’t believe
And I must ask you to help me
In the second
Maybe both
And then
You know
Without a test
(a further test perhaps)
The child is healed
Mark 9
You can Thurber-look it up
Yet there is doubt
To read
And doubt
To have
And finally the doubt beneath the doubt
Like the last temptations
We have heard
About
The final doubt that maybe all
Must face
In that all this of faith is real
With the results
Rewards
Perhaps
Truly
Taking place
And for faith we are heaven-sent
And then heaven-arrived
I believe
Help my unbelief
We come from God
We go to God
No doubt
Same New
And why
Should it have to go this way
Maybe not
If there were no
Postlapsarian
Maybe unfallen
Our impulse would be clear
That we are here
To tend
A garden
And each other
Build a planet
With
Because we have
Approval of the Lord
Maybe Love divine
All loves
Excelling
That with will
We go the first way
The way set up
The way
Hoped for
By the creator who must weep
Maybe turn angry when
We go the other way
The way
Of life we know
We have
Regardless of our knowing
Even
Rather mindlessly
Living for the self and for
Enough freedom
To live
In hard times
Or
Take despot-like because
Soft
Times are desired and
We might get away
With that
For those aware of virtues
To follow or
Desist
For those facing temptation
To give in
Or resist
Well
We could be puppets of the Lord
And
We are not
And there are consequences
To the will
We choose with harder judgments on
Those who steal choices
From others
And notions of paradise are fine
Truly fine
But cannot be realized here
Or any institution
Since
All things collective are inhabited
After all
By us
The way we are
And so paradise is distant
So distant as to be unreachable
Before
An afterlife
When and where
Forgiven things are not
Extant and the honest life put down
Is raised
To live inside
A new
And everlasting
Trend
Sigh
Outside of Eden
Where it’s hard
Though
Maybe we’d have had hard work
For perform in there
With
The work meaning delight
For
The change from how we treat work
Have work treat us
Now
Well
We live now
And may look forward
Toward something beyond
A worldly end
To something
Perelandra-like
Means
Both a willful and
Sinless life
Even
A planet’s existence
Decided
The right way from Eden
C L Couch
Perelandra, novel by C. S. Lewis; “Love Divine, All Loves Excelling,” hymn by Charles Wesley; Mark 9 in the Christian New Testament; “You Could Look It Up,” short story by James Thurber
Photo by Paolo Bendandi on Unsplash
BELIEF (for translation)
Lyon, France
Then Doubt
Doubt is
Smart
It has an edge
There is reason
There
And care for the shape
And flow
Of things on every
Side
Doubt considers
Aspects
What is good
And what needs changing
What
To say halt
To
While there are considerations
And respect
At least a dive into awareness
Of all players
Doubt
Needs affirmation
Maybe
Though first it should get it
Of itself
Which is to say the paradox might be
That
Doubt
Should be awarded its own
Certainty
To say the head
And all corners of the heart
Deserve
Consideration
And then
There are the questions
The committed should ask questions
Too
Practicality
At least
Though when
Doubt and commitment might
There might be fixing
What
Things need fixing
And leaving go
What might be brought
To bear
With virtue
Next
Occasion
Say
When the parent says
I believe
Help my unbelief
The doubt
Affirmed to heal
Embodying the risk
That faith must
Take
For the stronger
Lasting
Miracle
Of holding
On
Sometimes
Or when certain
In the morning of belief and
And in
Life
That also needs
It seems
The evening of doubt
(Mark 9:24 is cited, the entire passage recommended)
The Pain of Doubt
Doubt does
Hurt
It is disturbing
Even when
We try to keep it only
In the realm of thought
There’s
Likely
To be pain
Goodness is more fun
And we like think
More lasting
As
Promises
And prophecies
Foretell
Yet goodness unchained
Directionless
After
The pleasure might need
Something more
As well
And shall doubt
Provide that
The sureness of having
Worked
Through it all
And shall come out on
The other side
A conviction
Certainly
For enough
Of faith
And peace and
Joy
C L Couch
Photo by BenMoses M on Unsplash
Help My Unbelief
(Mark 9)
Doubt
Has to be a part of it
It seems
Lack of faith
Or having faith broken
Apart
Or part of it
Sometimes
Then
There’s the always part
The soul that isn’t certain
Even though
A soul
Should mean something
Certain
And eternal
A spiritual
Life
And though
Several codes say
Simply
To believe
Or even might be burdened
A number of
Requirements
And though
Belief
Should be enough
To indicate
A life beyond
With confidence
There
Must be
It seems
Unbelief
A bother
And a burden
Rather
Though
Than getting in the way
Doubt might sharpen things
Like holy understanding
Like stage fright
Doubt might keep us fresh
Checking
And learning more
To keep
Our faith
Deep
And certainly alive
C L Couch
Photo by Steve Lieman on Unsplash
Unseeing
(for those who nearer wait and might get scared about it)
One of the invisible
Left
It seems
To deal with mortality
Alone
For who can understand
How close we are
And who is interested
To know
By being near
To hear
About it all
I believe
Help my unbelief
This prayer
Should be for children
But we own it for
Ourselves
With or without
Temerity
What really happens next
And why must we
Transition to it
With more
Than
An easy walking there
Why does it
Or might it
Hurt so much
Why is it so hard
Here
To come back
From being hurt in
Any way
Is it compensation
For younger
Sinful
Times
It is a kind of preparation
Rehearsing for the final hurt
When we let go
When time
As such
Lets go of us
And will it hurt
And will we sleep
And wake
To walk
Or will we fly
From where we are
And on landing
Will we have
Such a good time
There
So much we do not know
And maybe we aren’t
Listening
Or maybe we discount
What there is to
Hear
In the rush that drowns out everything
Spiritually
to apprehend
As in
What we may buy to own
What we may have
Or believe to have
And I’m sorry for those
Who do not go so far this
Side of things
Who must leave
Early
In our count of things
Without allowances for time
In satisfaction
But in
Something uncounted
Like
Explosions
Leave too soon
Sorry I don’t take you now
While I’m afraid
Trying to make a circle
Of attention
Out of one
And only one
Who feels
Has lost
The other points
To bend the line
To join only
With
A math of one
But could
Relent
In hope
To see
To sense
To know
To say
I am a part of this
Of many points
And
Part of this
And part of them
With me
The points
That is
Be people
Not of politics
(below)
But of a new
And brilliant circle
As we might sing
Of the unbroken kind
And so I could
And should
Join in
And let the others
All the others
Go with me
Any age
Any time
Or nearly any situation
If I might be
Allowed
Or anyone
To advocate
To join as
Us
With us
Who have
As all
(of all
of all of us)
Come from
And thus can and may
Go
To love
A circled
And
Forever kind
Of love
C L Couch
Mark 9
Photo by Jon Tyson on Unsplash
The Mystic, Ordinary Process
(for Evelyn Underhill)
Live the way I want
To
Which would mean
Living with you
With your nearness
With
Your love
And as a recipient of mine
Learning anew to pray
Into the world
For everything that’s wrong
And to keep
As in care for
Everything
That’s right
To practice confessing
Beyond
I’m sorry
To live out penance
Through listening
Responding to the world
And what is needed
Here
There is
So much to do
At Pooh Corner
Though contemplatives might say
The real action
As is said of many things
Is actually in the heart
And in the head
As vessels of the Spirit
Even launchpoints
For the Lord
To think
Canaveral about it all
Then to the world
To the rawness of it
To the terrors
And the grossness
And also
To the beauty
Of it all
This is
So strange
To say
And will you be with me
When my dignity’s
Surrendered
And I stand bloodied
Before
Ersatz courts
Places of injustice
Even fortresses
From which I know
Nothing
Of the entrance
Or the exit
My way through
Must be with you
Even if I’m on the way
To an earthly version
Of infernos
Not because
There is a heaven
On the other side of that
(I’m not that smart
to know)
But because I’m trying
(yes
I know
I’m trying
hah)
And you honor me enough
Bestowing companionship
Which is
I know
Enormous honor
So be with me simply
Because simple
Is all I really know
Not without art
Or an acknowledgement of grace
To have things
Understood as
Special
When things are barely moving
Or
Even in crisis
Something remarkable
(dare I say
amazing)
And when it’s quiet
And as
Such
The hour is
Still
And it’s
Simple
Easy
Once again
Plus there might be someone
And-or
It’s the two
Or three
Or four of us
And that’s a party
In which
Loving things are said
Loving games are played
And we discuss
The nature
And the aspects
And
Well
The now
Also into the future
Of everything
Foray into the past
When necessary
To keep the rest
I know
Real
But it’s now
And you are now
Help me
Forgive me
Stay with me
As I would be with you
Perfectly
But so imperfectly
For now
Until you teach me
In a place of
Frankly
Afterlife and grace
Thank you for faith
And even my response
As is
C L Couch
Photo by Richard Lee on Unsplash
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