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apologium

apologium

I’m out of energy and health and I don’t know what
to do
dear God
dear
God
am I allowed to ask for something like a miracle
or not like at all
but in fact the miracle

I don’t like myself
so much
and
life has been a combination of my bad choices
and bad choices made for me
and I don’t know
how to work our the judgment of all that
and
think maybe that it isn’t my job

and maybe I really too
much
on grace and mercy
or
maybe
in fact I do not ask hard enough
earn my way
through emphasizing
even crying
what
I want

as I read prophets and kings and how
they plea to you before
during
after
travesties

though I’m not sure the order in some psalms
if
confession comes first
and then gratitude
or
is gratitude expressed up front
or maybe
anyway
as a fact of life and love and when
dispensing grace
and
mercy

if only in waiting
and
to keep the time for us
and keep us
in the time

oh
God
I need your help for I am too tired
and
I am wrong and have been wrong
too much
so there might be patterns
of
familiarity with sin

as if a cycle
only at eye-level
meaning one that doesn’t change
by
overall improvement
and
to raise my vision

but stuck
for
all these reasons and some
more
no doubt
and
yes
I try to reach out
on Earth and honestly
that hasn’t
worked out so
well

which I guess too close to the way of the world
while
understanding I have failed
too

and if all the wrong is punishment
well
how may I argue
if maybe
I’m prepared for enough fitness
to
take part in what is next

though there is that grace and mercy
and the choice
for
faith and I wonder if that should be enough

not my idea

anyway
God help me
please

defeat the enemy and help me
to know friendship
with
your angels
with some of your people who are trying
to get
by
in a soulful way
the way
through here

c l couch

and, yes, this is my confessing voice, though it could be the voice of anyone who needs and is trying reaching out

the title (my subcreation), a single apology or a place in which apologies might be confessed

queens and queenly people offer songs of faith as well, often with more confidence; e.g. Miriam, Deborah, Judith, Mary mother of Jesus

photo by ONUR KURT on Unsplash

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across the state from us

across the state from us

1
across the state from us
too near
for such who have gone through this

in a city
it seems named for mystery
there were killings
by one person
so far
who is dead
as well
by will
after taking all the lives and Erie
is shaken
no
doubt
and we’re left
maybe to wonder after praying
why
and then extend the argument
for madness
and
destruction that will happen anywhere
along the range of virtue
left and left
to
God to judge
with
angels watching

weeping in heaven
and
I think some wording and beating toward anger
as perhaps it’s not enough
for a God
only
always to know

and
by a lake where there should be romance
espying lights out there
at night
rather than to tear tear both kinds of daytime
leave
them rent and raw and now and for days
to keep or let the storm of tidal waves break
in

over what remains of barriers
for health

2
we destroy ao many things
when
need cannot be answered by hope in
any way for
having given up on
who knows how recently
the one
or ones deciding
there
is no feeling and no reason except the kind
that blinds the senses with murderous
doubt
they open after
too near
too soon
too late
to close the spirit and the mind
to what’s been caused
except in corners of hell that
might be quiet
while
the rage got all around by
campaign in the place we think medieval
is
the battleground where so many blooded losses
must
it seems take place

demur if
not dissemble
for
to rip the floorboards like the setting for
the buried heart
evading law
though it should arrive and
closely
wait
for justice

that now has gone from Earth
and must be matched
supernally
close
by

all to say the loss extreme
spirit-splitting
with
over fear for safety
except for parts that will not end until
divinity
shall end

and meantime all the doctors
nurses
EMTs at the scene
with what will seem an extraordinary police
presence
to
set flags and take up pieces

all the front-line folk who would so much more
have wished
to save

and now
what’s left with
who
is left

3
now the victims breathing worlds
that
turn or have gone crashing
all the anger
all
the keening
and who knows but among those who have
arrived
there might be rage in heaven

while nothing fair on Earth
it should seem
and
how to explain the rending except we allow
for precedents
by occult example to have
taught us

but
it’s their place now and
they
don’t want it
as they shouldn’t

and we’ll wring in circles of gestures
outward
from
the ruined heart
the darkened mind
the shattered spirit of investment
through
our
work and play
setting families
to have and say this is a good existence

now
to wander
through
the wilderness of
families and the generation who remain

4
explanation
and there is no explanation
only
red fear
in black and white
for now with the question
that
for thought and feeling has
no answer

c l couch

Shooting leaves 9 dead including suspect in Erie
1 day ago · A shooting at a residence in Erie, Pennsylvania, left nine people dead, including the suspected shooter, police said. …
AP News
https://apnews.com

photo by chuck derby on Unsplash
Presque Isle

the conclusion of “The Tell-Tale Heart” is referenced

and I guess I’m saying too little, too much—adding to the words of others to let these all be tragedy and history of overwhelming fear and, humanly, maybe a wish of retribution (to get over)

2

how are you God today and now

how are you God today and now

God gave
well
God gave of God
by
power and interest
and gratitude is presumptive
though
we might go for sympathy
as well

might we feel for God
and with
God

we might worry over plans and plots
but
what about when something good
or something
bad
has happened

might we say well done
or
better luck

or is it all too venial
for
anything we might say today in
reaction to one thing

might we act as if we sit with God
serve tea
and
inquire

or is it all too grand for us
not playing parts
in
all the universe
or
understanding one who does

the one who
has that reach
and
obligation for service
in fact
for love

might I ask God how the love of God
is going
meaning God’s and not
preoccupation with my own
my failings

this time rather
turn
to hope that God is well
and
if need be admit sorrow over a recent
event
a comedy
a tragedy
the melodrama that shows good and evil
or
simply could God and we could
feel for that

I know
ridiculous but
somehow I can’t help but
time
to time wonder how
God might
be
today

as with everything that’s going on
or
simply with a moment in an hour
for
an hour

how are you

c l couch

photo by Le Vu on Unsplash
tea for two

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doctor whom

doctor whom
and how to heal

I love the chosen people
and
who shouldn’t for their being
first of all
the people of the Earth with
all

and their stories are
remarkable
and
for me and those like me
these folk
and folklore are
the
parent presence and allowance
of our faith
further
on

and this love comes to mind
because of
news
I guess
and who’s making all the terrible mistakes
and
who has made them over time

and
who loves whom
through imperfection
spying first the log before getting
to
specks

Matthew 7
3 to 5

these are my forebears by tradition
and
in the present are a fine
wonderful people
whose festivals
are
grandly calendared then more
importantly
observed

and don’t the observations show
a range
of who we are
and
now we belief

maybe anyone on Earth

and
yes
honestly
and if to forfeit something to the human world
I love the Arabs
too
and all Semitic
sibling peoples and then course the love
through
Asia
back through Africa
Americas
Pacifica
those visiting free polar
lands
directions ‘round
and people
‘round

and
not that anything goes missed
but
what better way to fix or
re-set the vision
but
together with a practical
human affection to invoke and thus
allow

the people of the Earth
sense each
other
and with an aspect of
positive interest
desire to
know
and eagerness to serve

and let that serve the fullness
of Shalom

c l couch

(the title is a name of a collection kept at Pinterest and, yes, in tribute of the science-fiction character who saved the Earth if not all the cosmos, episodically

and by the mention of it, I believe that folklore is real)

photo by Matthew L on Unsplash (SHALOM)

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obeisance

obeisance

and my back hurts
and
the pillow doesn’t work
as if
it should

no anodyne
then
except for faith
and to endure
not
back pain so much as the stressing
of the heart
to do
better in all pain
still
to love
and even to obey

and what do you want
Lord
if not for me to love
and
serve
you
best I may
and the people whom you made
as well

and I am one
and
so get some love as well
which is
enforced by law

you know
those great commandments

and my back still hurts
and
yours might
too
or something like

c l couch

Matthew 22:36-40
36 “Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the Law?”
37 Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’38 This is the first and greatest commandment. 39 And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’40 All the Law and the Prophets hang on these two commandments.”

photo by Arjan Stalpers on Unsplash

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from Earth to the moon

from Earth to the moon

I look at gray
a slice of
fall
rising through the tree
and appreciate diverse times
and tones of
voices
in
nature

variety out back and
how astounding
on
the Earth
and in your love
our God
you
give us
so much room with parts we may reclaim
from what you decide is challenge
and
also how we messed the planet
up ourselves

and now
what
to do

the model of your making everything
is to allow for differences
also
discovery through exploration
tolerant interaction
with ourselves
and with
all
nature here
and
as we dare to risk to go beyond and
find the cosmos more so varied if
as fallen
as we have it here

or
we could say with Lewis that
we are the silent planet
that the rest of everything
material
and spirit has been waiting for our carrying
a presence with
a
message and
so how
will be bear
what shall we say

well
the fiction is a calling to ourselves for
real
how we shall carry on the Earth
and to the moon
and bodily
to Mars
and so
with some hopefulness that we might respect
each other on our sphere
and
globally enough to consider
growth to own
with enough peace to
take us
up and on and it will have to be enough

until
we learn as Earthkind
to model
and to mirror
with
so many facets
and to like what we behold
and
care about needs and so
our voice

c l couch

the title references From the Earth to the Moon by Jules Verne; then cited is Out of the Silent Planet by C. S. Lewis; to get perspective on how to preserve planets, we might read The Word for World Is Forest by Ursula K. Le Guin

photo by Aashish Chandra on Unsplash

1

two poems about angels

two poems about angels

I’ve been writing a series of psalms; two of these turn out being about angels—description, speculation—hoping your approval

psalm 19

your angel watches
with
all the miracle of senses
while
I sleep
when that should happen
in
the turmoil
like trying to rest aboard a ship
at night
when the sea rages
and turns
in all
directions but the way
toward home

the angel keeps
by
mission
not
to render magic but
to let the world have its way
much
of the time until correction
then
and final revelation

and
thank you for such helpers
messengers
to each
announcers to all

and
shall we know you through this
kind who
by order and by wonder
care

and so magnificent
part of
the host and we might serve there
too
after apocalyptic times

but I was thanking
you
for helping while I should sleep
and your helper
with

connecting
me
to you then
as this may happen all
of us

help in all hours by
the God who by God is and has
a servant
to
us all

for our
return

psalm 20

your angels are so powerful
and
having names

we know a few

while power has no value
until assigned by you
and
by your arrangement we
decide
to keep
to use

then the beings close to you
until
we arrive
have chosen how to
serve and how
to shine
for
good or for ill
for some decide

to break away vainly
and
aggressively unsatisfied and so
take followers
to
make a separate heaven
so that there is
a war
to undermine one realm or the other

and over time and
for all we
know is raging yet
since
who can tell an age that is
celestial by
mortal

and so a mystery among
the mysteries
and
if so tied then chained
to worldly ways

so that
the war come down through us
in all temptations and
dimensions
‘til
an ending
whose moment’s also vague
regarding
when

the keening tragedy
as
such creative missives fight
with all the majesty
and
muscle that each has and
then to set
one against another and so many

some try to describe until all of us are
after
when with all the conflicts done
deciders and
survivors
here
say this is the count of heaven
and
mourn and then we must count joy

c l couch

photo by Cosmin Gurau on Unsplash

(spaces between parts go on, sigh, provided by WordPress)

1

will of the wisping

will of the wisping

God
I’m sorry for a Sunday
and
please help me for Monday

I miss
missing things
the value
in
interest
more than intention

that part about
the spirit
and
the flesh contesting

and in Gethsemane and who knows
but redolence
drew
them under

anyway
I try to follow
and
don’t get it way too often

and I ask for pardon
without excuse for being human
since
will was made preeminent
to
justify a fall

c l couch

photo by prawito hudoro on Unsplash

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Practical Mysticism

Practical Mysticism

I have food
through the assistance of myself
and
of my family and occasionally
the system
not this year
the system
and being poor is bad

a situation if not a moral
and
I suppose the anchorites are pleased enough
not
to have however much there was to have
and for love’s
sake as
well as interest
call it professional
passion
to give up everything and so by doctrine
and I think
by
miracle
to keep the world
as the gospel goes the other way
to keep the world first
and
lose the soul

so we surrender
and we
gain
and the mystics teach this by example
and we’re in the blending
somehow of what
to gain and
to let go

c l couch

photo by Aaron Burden on Unsplash

the title is itself the title of, by Evelyn Underhill, Practical Mysticism with the subtitle A Little Book for Normal People

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