gifted
I’d like to give you each
a present
though I’m poor
and not the kind of poverty
that saints admire
for I have little
mystic understanding
and what I have
is tied
to nothing like
how much
how little
I have
I’d like to say
go slowly
as the Buddhists
say
especially
when parting
I’d like to say
remember all your loves
made up of
reason
practicality
and balance
not that passion
doesn’t count
it does
but there should be a measure
in most things
of what is right
and what is easy
(like
Jack’s pieces
well
maybe not so much)
which is
(really)
to say
let all good things
have their place
and do not rearrange
from the heaven
of creation
and the philosophy
inside all things made
for there is
certainty
as well as confusion
the way this world works
and don’t deny
the sure things
that you
and others
who are smart
and might be trusted
might ally
I’d like to say
think God
(like another movie)
though I know
that’s not enough
or I could say
love
and let love
not frilly silly
(‘til the day)
but steady
and trustworthy
have its say
and guide
however trite it sounds
each day
I guess
some things are cliché
like the way we use
iconic
meaning not a symbol
but celebrity
believe
and love
so common
(a cliché)
and yet maybe
we can still ourselves
and our sophistications
to accept
that some things
important things
the most important things
are commonplace
no secrets
no requirements
but to accept
what is instilled
(installed
as it were)
within internal palaces
or offices
or bungalows
(I’ll take a wooded cabin)
in the mind
in what we call the heart
in what really is
the spirit
might be
an alliance of the spirits
one by one
within
between
our groups
our nations
for an errant world
on its quest
our quest
to grow
to acquire
and to save
good things
and we could have rituals
and easiness
(not mindlessness)
in what passes
from the Earth of now
into
the next
of now
c l couch
photo by Luca Pennacchioni on Unsplash
(x = space)
x
x
The Real Thing
x
I am not in the war
Except
With my mind and heart
My contributions
Here and there
Not for a winner
But for everything
To cease
While there are citizens
And innocence
To count
x
I can’t imagine an explosion
(over me
and I am done)
Next to me
So that I live
But everything is changed
x
For what
And whom I’ve lost
All basic things
And anything
Refined
x
A world that’s there
Even to know
The risks in temporality
And to persist
Then what I know
Is gone
And I am hurt
My body
And my mind
x
I might get fixed
But something will not mend
Something broken
That the screws
And prayers
Cannot reward
With success
x
Some part of me
Who wonders now
A beggar on the plane
Of dreams
And real hours
When I dance
With hate
And seeming
Justification
x
For it all
To have happened
And it’s happened
So that
There’s an end
Before the end
x
C L Couch
x
x
Photo by Jeff Kingma on Unsplash
x
(x = space)
x
x
Rhapsody in Bible
x
God
You are good
You love us
Always
And anyway
x
I’m sure it’s in there
Though I can make
Only pages with
Neat typing
Of blurred letters
As I try
x
And then the stream
The invitation
And a wall of rooms
That somehow
Turn into mansions
Promise of two verses
About paradise
About
You know
Dwelling in the house
Of the Lord
x
There are numbers on the pages
Small headlines
Aids from time
Which were not in
The original
Black pages
Into mod
(it was the sixties
into seventies
for us)
And now the church
All wood
And mullions
With a clock that I could see
When in the choir
Set in the center
So the pastor be reminded
(by the clock
committee)
Of the time
For preaching
And when
To wrap it up
x
I received my Bible there
I think
Or in the rooms
For Sunday School
Which had checked floors
Of tile
Room dividers
In the wing
That had been built
Before I got there
And a breezeway
Over the drive
x
But this is building stuff
And the pages
Pages stuff
What of the truth that’s in there
And it’s in there
I can recall without the images
Though they come
Anyway
The verses and the truth inside
x
Create in me
A clean heart
O God
And renew a right spirit
Within me
x
And that’s only to begin
The faith
And transformation
Needed
That we learn about
In there
x
C L Couch
x
x
from Psalm 51
(followed by
Cast me not away
from thy presence
and take not thy holy spirit
from me
x
which happened to Saul
by the way
at the nadir
of his life
as king
appointed by the prophet
who got directions
from the Lord
to look for someone tall
and
well
kingly
for a tragic irony
as things turned out)
x
sorry, I got into a kind of coda
(that a kind of song, could be a psalm, might have)
x
x
Photo by CHUTTERSNAP on Unsplash
x
(x = space)
x
x
Heartfelt
x
I haven’t slept
My computer wants to update
I won’t let it
I don’t want that now
I want to sleep
The sun is rising
I can see the V from here
(the angle
in the tree)
x
Words
Thoughts
Fears
Then turn it off
And try again to sleep
I can’t do anything today
No appointments
Only analgesics
Lack of sleep
And eating when I rise
Each time
Which sounds like fun
And passes time
But is stupid
Really
x
I’ve had this diagnostic guess
That the insomnia
Is made worse
By indigestion
Not to mention sinus problems
And
You know
Having a heart that functions
Normally for someone
Twenty years older than I am
x
Sigh
Rest
Better food
At better times
Maybe Mediterranean
Easy exercise
In pleasant ambient air
And the air at night
To move and not move
In optimal
Waves and bouts
x
Who else has these diagnostics
Who else is going through this
There is no
Lone wolf in nature
I need my pack
Something for the herd instinct
Foraging
With accountability
x
Lord
Don’t leave me alone
Company for misery
If no more
x
C L Couch
x
x
Photo by Linda Kazares on Unsplash
x
(x = space)
x
x
2 poems
x
x
at the h. f. clinic
x
to the doctor’s well
a doctor type at
the clinic where my
heart failure’s diagnosed
and worked on
blood pressure’s up due
to medication or
some other cause
there’s all the weight from
fluid that is uncomfortable
to feel but since it tends
to kill people by
some kind of drowning I
guess then I should be
grateful and you
know I am
x
x
tawny punks
x
today is
someone’s day
or something’s
thanks to
greeting cards
or causes that simply
want a day
and get authority
to say okay
x
pizza day
beagle day
greeting card day
with greeting cards
for greeting cards
a day for me
is groundhog day
because there
are no cards
so you can cross
out christmas
or new year’s
or presaged a dismal
valentine’s
and write greetings
from
Punxsutawney
over that
and so practice
spelling
Punxsutawney
x
x
C L Couch
x
x
Photo by Ralph Katieb on Unsplash
Groundhog didn’t like the late April snow (she was in the middle of nest building when it hit).
[photographer’s caption]
x
(x = space)
x
x
The Heart
x
I breathe a little
Saturday morning
Last moments
Before noon
When I would be called upon
For chores
Last free moments
Watching another show
As an excuse
Pretending its significance
x
Did I have a heart defect
Back then
We’ll never know
Or was I put to work
Too soon
Or was it the lesson that
Work is bad
And I should only be glad
When it’s done
x
Whichever way
I was a child who
Wanted to
Escape
And on rainy days
I sat in a chair next to a lamp
In the room saved for
Official company
And rather than
All that
I took the quiet
And went into books
With
Stories that saved
x
The mind
The heart
Everything that mattered
x
C L Couch
x
x
Photo by Matt Seymour on Unsplash
x
(x = space)
x
x
The Redness of Alerts
x
I don’t know what comes next
Another heart attack
Ambulance
Lights without sirens
The sky at a glimpse filled with
Canadian fire smoke
Inside
To a small place
And then a bigger place
And then a bigger place
In which to operation
I dozed
I don’t think they talked to me
That was all for each other
Then I’m back upstairs
And in that second bigger place
I picked at food
I was glad I was allowed
To have ice chips
Then water
Then water itself
(such progress)
All the nitroglycerin meant
Emergency relief for my heart
And a worsening headache
Via the pills and paste
I tried to eat
I will feel rather nauseous
So much blood drawn
And bandages all over
Wires
Machine noises
Through pretty quiet
After all
Nursing staff
Aids
Doctors
Tripartite
And a visitor
Who would take me away
When allowed
I got my orders
Plans for the days to come
New medications
Consultations
It started in the middle of the night
Now three nights later
I am back
There were those who prayed for me
I am grateful
I prayed for me
Too
New parts
New repair work
Like an old car
The aptness of a metaphor
I am fixed
No warrantee
But let’s keep hoping
Shall we
x
C L Couch
x
x
Photo by Scott Webb on Unsplash
x
(x = space)
x
x
sure things
x
the child
dressed up as a cowboy
or a football player
dream and irony
x
even then
the heart
might be folded badly
not closing right
or opening
for blood and air
x
and did I feel it?
ask the child
I’m asking later
I don’t know
no one told me
maybe no one knew
until later
x
when the heart attacks
and surgeries
and the device implanted
were and are
sure things in
the older self
x
c l couch
x
x
photo by elias maurer on unsplash
x
(x = space)
x
x
my heart to give
x
my heart to give
lord Jesus
my worn heart
broken, stitched
machined
hardly new
why should Jesus
want it
but he’ll take it
I think
not because
of its condition
or because
he can renew
but because
he is all love
and will not refuse
love given
x
after reading “In the Bleak Midwinter” by Christina Rossetti
x
C L Couch
x
x
Photo by Marija Zaric on Unsplash x
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