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sorry

Well and Good


Well and Good
(ironic)

Oh
God
I haven’t thought
So much of you today
Weighed
Down
By my perceptions
The license that I give to stress
And even honest pain that
Doesn’t ask
For this

Forgive me
I guess
Though I’ll be doing it
Again
And
Venial or mortal
I typically can’t
Tell

So that confession
Is not a bust
Though I’m sure
A disappointment

Sigh
What shall I do
To be a servant and
Myself
To serve another
Too

And to serve you
I know
Which should be
First

Sigh again
This might be a loop
If not a cycle of
Post-Edenic rebellion
Which
We set up
As it were
At the start

But is my nature
Always enough
To explain
While I have will
As we always have discretion
Even difficult
In the moment

But I’m sorry
And I’ve thought of you
For seconds
Now
Such a big deal

And should I wake up
In my anchorite cell
Even with a car
For company
A holy cat
By its own calling
Once retrieved

The gray stone
With a specific symbol
On the wall
And a few pages
By the bed
Made out of
Nature
Meaning
Natural things

To know that I’m devout
And here to serve
The people of today
In a world
That maybe strives to rise
Or to wallow
Though I must
Keep the vision
For all of us
That may
Allow ourselves to rise

Maybe through the window
And the windowed world
I have
To look out on the other
To wait
For the inevitable
And then to wait
As in to serve
Responding to their need
And how they
How you
Say it

Then all should know
And you may know
At last
That I am with
All the time
By my own will
My time and style

Though here I am
For now
Small-town
Me for now
With all my errant loves
And wish
I could
Do better
Though for lack of djinn
And also resolution
Remains a wish
Among wishes
For faith
Or for a pony

(again
sorry
and amen)

C L Couch


Photo by José Alejandro Cuffia on Unsplash 
(psst, we’re busting out of here tonight—my caption, sorry

and in part of the poem-prayer I’m channeling Saint Julian)

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To the Rainmaker

(x = space)

x

x

To the Rainmaker

x

Cloudy day

Rain has started

Drought conditions

Keep raining

Please

x

Grateful ground

With people on it

Also thanking you

xxxxxAs if a liturgy

For crying on us

If that’s what this is

x

If you are sad with us

And why not

We are inhospitable

Toward Earth

While it’s our home

In all the ages

And should we take measures

To prevent

To recoil

(as in rolling up again)

To keep everything alive

x

Will we remember

To apologize

While planting?

To express our thanks

We still have days

For growth

For food

And to get it right

x

To the sky

The stars

Whatever gods

Or greater compounds

Might set over us

Or under us

To serve

With greater might

Than we shall ever know

x

Curb our hubris

Stop us before

The final act

Shall ruin everything

xxxxxAnd someone

xxxxxSomething

xxxxxCome from outside

xxxxxTo claim

xxxxxWhat’s left

x

While it’s still ours

If ours

Help us

Gods

The sky

xxxxxWhomever

Get it right

With what’s left

To have an Earth

Before

We dare to seek another

x

C L Couch

x

x

Photo by Steve Johnson on Unsplash

x

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Sorries

(x = space)

x

x

Sorries

x

Maybe there is

Nothing more

Sometimes

Except to say we’re sorry

We’ll do better

Then do better while

Moving on

x

C L Couch

x

x

Photo by Andrew Johnson on Unsplash

x

(I made up “sorries.” Sorry.)

x

4

Convictions

(x = space)

x

x

Convictions

(last day of Lent)

x

I look around at everything

Liturgically, it is the day before

A triumph

Such as Roman victors knew

No wonder Herod was frightened

And Pilate tactically

Concerned

None of it was sanctioned

It spoke to rebellion

Though everything was peaceful

In that way

x

I look around

And wonder about everyone

How to celebrate an arrival

And then turn on the one

A few days later

Or however long it took

x

I want to say I’m sorry

I look around at everything

And say I’m sorry

x

C L Couch

x

x

Photo by MAURICIO EJCHEL on Unsplash

Jerusalém, Israel

Traditional loaf salesman at Old Town in Jerusalem.

x

2

Columns

(x = space)

x

x

Columns

x

Google places e-mails inside three columns of its making.  There is the inbox, where go what it has decided has some urgency.  Then there is the “Promotions” part with ads for things and notices deemed of secondary or tertiary significance.  Then there is “Social,” where go posts from WordPress, Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram.  Here is where the blog posts go, which I should respond to.  I’m not sure how Google decides what goes where, since there is overlap and often I get blog notices in the inbox and advertisements, too.  When I’m feeling extra headaches and extra stress from bad neighbors in the building, the kind of stress that presses on my heart when otherwise it needn’t, the inbox is where I go first to catch up on things.  How much I might ignore depends on how bad the added pains might be.  I’ll go through the promotions next, ignoring most, because it’s relatively easy (because I ignore most of the notices for politics or my money or politics for my money of which I have little, anyway).  The column that’s ignored is “Social,” because I should devote good energy there and too often, especially lately, it seems I have none.

I know I’m missing many things.  And sometimes “Social” e-mails are slid over to the inbox, and I deal with them there because they’re there and so am I.  It’s not much of a strategy or a philosophy, because I let Google decide or WordPress (friends, maybe send things through e-mail).  The current time of extra stress and pain has been going on for a while, and it doesn’t help that the new editor at WordPress (the program) is majorly unwieldly.  But I keep up the writing and the posting part (parts), because that’s how it all begins.  And if you have forbearance, I am

thankful.

x

C L Couch

x

x

Photo by Alejandro Barba on Unsplash

Rotonda de los Jaliscienses Ilustres, Avenida Fray Antonio Alcalde, Zona Centro, Guadalajara, Jalisco, Mexico

x

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Lent 31

Lent 31

 

I’m sorry

 

Just then, did I seem weaker?

I shouldn’t have,

Though I struggle with confession, too

 

I don’t know how good this is

Balm for the wounded soul, I guess

Maybe a strengthened bond

In the community

 

Necessary, I don’t know

For all the secrets that die with

Persons who left unspoken

Matters of regret,

Even tragic

I might do that

You might

 

It isn’t peril for our souls

Since all is known by

One who judges perfectly

We won’t escape a reckoning

Though there’s a bias in our favor

 

It is cleansing act,

I think

Not until the next time

But for all time

Technically, it’s preparation

For worship, life in spirit in

A fuller way

 

Open for distraction

Into heaven

 

I think I sang in dreams last night

In daytime, it takes practice

Rites partake in that

A life open to soulful beauty in

The music, as is said, of the spheres

 

But it can go ugly, too

Rough, tear-scoured

Anger exorcised against the

Truth and amelioration

As apology works its way

Through tears falling

One side or the other

(meaning inside or outside)

 

Confess

Forgive

Let sunlight be cleaved unto the darkness

Patchwork living

At its best

This side of things

All sides of things

 

C L Couch

 

 

by ‘Speculando – https://www.flickr.com/photos/lbarreto/2231876206/, CC BY 2.0, https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=3504753

Songpyeon, a variety of tteok, Korean rice cake

for Chuseok, celebration of the autumnal equinox

 

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Apology for Valentine’s

Apology for Valentine’s

 

I’m sorry

I didn’t mean to say it

As I did

I wanted to say something

So in nervousness I

Spoke too fast

And said too little

 

C L Couch

 

heart mended with safety pins

http://www.wisebread.com/12-smart-uses-for-safety-pins

 

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