two poems, rather confessional (maybe more in the classic sense of apology as an explanation or defense or maybe I’m expressing sorrow, too, maybe all around)


can’t

I can’t get what I want
can’t
get no satisfaction

there’s a song by the Beatles
too
that when they sing and in the video they’re always
running and
I know the song but can’t remember it
just now

running where
and do we know watching them
and
do they know if only in character
or is it only the running
for
entertainment all that
matters


pacific

not going to church again
I ruined it by
not
sleeping and I don’t know how much trying
to lie down and forced back up by
sickness from the place
and
well
from
me

and so I feed my doubts and maybe God
is with me
on my side with having doubts
while
still affirming
still
loving me and maybe welcoming
my soul

I mean
I’ll go to church
I’ll
simply do it in the homey way
literal as I have been
going since mornings have been hard
with insomnia from
the illnesses
and
by in these I mean mistreatments

the probably of what I want
on Earth
when more often I’d just as
soon not wanting anything but here I am
and human
by
which wanting is fine
is good
as long we don’t twist or untwist the ways we think
when thinking low
is
the way to get what’s wanted

created desire
after all
and given with all pleasures
and
good
dreams even good wishes
in
there somehow as we
have been made
and
are loved throughout

ambition
goals
humor
sex
humorous
sex
they’re all fine in their created state
approved and to have and share
express and own
well
co-own really
that’s the best

now
who am I and what I want that’s
all right because maybe
I can have
it
as you should have yours
the co-created things you have and
also desire to
go after

well
and I don’t know for you but
I am older and rather
classically
sick
and tired

and cannot do so much and so
must compromise
will
and will
you know

and so
well
I will

I know I want some peace
sometimes I think
more than
love
though peace is a form of love
when hale

not
to bother
or be bothered
is what I have been
thinking
which is not a bid for isolation as much
as a wish for style
and
how to greet and interact
with
others
even in prayer
as God
might have it
might
take me


c l couch


(“A Hard Day’s Night” and I attended church on line)


photo by Vincent Y @USA on Unsplash
Crystal Cove State Park, California, USA