look forward in anger
awkwardness and shame
and so I force
myself
to show up at things
a gathering of nearly any kind
friends
church
the
store
and I hadn’t had this thought ‘til now
years of wishing
I suppose
as I had been reinforced
to be
alone
and to an extent perceived maybe
by
the company I kept
though Jesus knew sinners
after all
and
Jesus knew me
somehow it’s a child’s feeling
too
perhaps
due to how I was treated
how
some awful thoughts took hold and so
would not let go
and maybe I’ll be free
someday
maybe the demon will be forced to leave
since
it can’t be comfortable in there with
all
the praying with the supplication
yet
there are claws as hooks and
to ask
how pleasant is a life a hell
disappointed by
one’s lord
so the demon will stay
encouraging
the awkwardness and shame
not
to mention all the anger over Prufrockian
plotting and
not hearing angels
sing
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a reference or an allusion is made to “The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock,” a modern poem by T. S. Eliot in which the protagonist quests to find mythic meaning, that is, to find something beyond oneself (yet connected to)
there is also an opposite use of the title Look Back in Anger by John Osborne, a play from 1956 about post-war life with meaning
while the feelings plus divisions mentioned in the poem are my own
photo by Tomas Trajan on Unsplash
visions
having heard the word from a character
and it’s important
something about young people
having then
in
time
when prophecy is elevated
and how it moves along
with
God’s direction and may we
say
revelation
for it sounds like magic
like
mischief
like things no one should get paid for
that is not a regular
job
and how might mystics earn their living
anyway
out of a ring by patronage
I guess
provision of a family or other non-
profit
providing of a cave
outside of
town
somehow
funding
the anchorite approach
then do we take away the prophecies
relegate them to
extremes
that are unhealthy for the nine-
to-five of us
the sort
that earns and so can buy and own one’s breath
not saintly but
with
the relief of practicality
so no visions
thank you
or the crusades that follow
if
believed
dream on your own
in
your own time
and
don’t get paid
or expect encouragement even when
we need you
for
our work and then the way
we play
so come work
come play
with
the skeptics
maybe
spend time with Julian
and the cat
maybe when no one else is looking or the rumors
heard
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In the last days, God says,
I will pour out my Spirit on all people.
Your sons and daughters will prophesy.
Your young will see visions.
Your elders will dream dreams.
Acts 2:17 (citing Joel)
Common English Bible
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vicissitude
Luke 22:44-46
if I were tired from sorrow only
that
is exhausting
and stillness took over my body to
sleep
and I slept
and then I were scolded
after the supper
after
being called friend the first
time and
having been asked specifically for
companionship
awake
and praying with
the Lord
and wouldn’t I be exhausted
too
and so could lose my way through praying
and it is night
and it gets late
and
yes
it’s Jesus
and it’s also human me
and if Jesus said to wait and pray
would I not have been invested
with
the energy and other wherewithal to join
and
maybe I had received
and still
slept
anyway
so there’s not excuse
but an excuse
and
I’m made of willing spirit and unwilling
flesh
and how to feel when Jesus tells
me I
have
failed
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44 And in His anguish, He prayed more earnestly, and His sweat became like drops of blood falling to the ground.
45 When Jesus rose from prayer and returned to the disciples, He found them asleep, exhausted from sorrow. 46 “Why are you sleeping?” He asked. “Get up and pray so that you will not enter into temptation.”
Luke 22
Berean Study Bible
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manna
the kind that doesn’t keep ‘til the next day
God
forgive us
and help us
for
our daily bread
please
and we might forgive but need the bread
regardless
and there
is
something about stones given for bread as in
don’t do that
but
feed the children
and feed everyone
as
a spiritual need
that our bodies
serve
and that connection is the way it is
the way we are
and we have the capacity
to give
as well as to consumer
to do the sharing of our lives
which we
are also made to do
and so forgive
and
don’t offer stones though if begrudgingly
to give the bread as well
or
if we’re merchants sell the bread
for us
to take home
or to bake
maybe with interest
maybe with need because
this is
the world we know
in which we must make what we shall use
and provide
to use
and this is family
this is neighborhood
and
for some of us
what we resort
to
when the war or the wildfire is on
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up hill and
well
I wasn’t sure
you’d really like to know
or I
and
so let go the pedals
that I might
on the hill
the downward side
coast a while and like the trite crossing
I could
look
yes
at you and around
and listen
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photo by Kiwihug on Unsplash
two poems about risk
reason
it is a message
then
of love
the god who gave of god
throughout all parts
of
itself and for the creatures
on the planet
all
were made
and if making demands gratitude
and
service even out of
model sacrifice
then
we have
our purposes should we ever
wonder
for we create attitudes
and moods and
state
our purposes
we make jobs and art
as jobs
we stand for office
and
we own responsibility
and we make
people
which were ourselves and
then
the new generation and by
all things made
all
of us
to count
for service
and so always
something
good
for us to do
theft
so I took the advice today
based
upon a perspective of creation and
divinity
and everything went wrong
worse
I was robbed
and then a second theft
for you robbed me
of
protection
plus my own amvition
and
now what
I must regroup
and
you know
recoup
and then what
set myself up to lose even more
to ask
and I suppose you’ll say
therein lies the answer
since
loss is a part of life against
what
by love is gained
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the process of the psalm
how did the psalmist write
I wonder
how was the work composed
what
was the process
if
in paper and with pen
or quill or frayed papyrus
were there amanuenses
who
waited for each word
or
was the draft done mentally
and with the harp
at hand to test the measures and then
to set down
and
then all gone over many times
before the purpose
of subtitles
realized
by singers in or near the temple or at
the shrine before there was
a temple
serving
as the composition served
and
served through generations of us
in this age
and
we have the paper
anyway and some give music for an art
for
what’s on there for conveyance
and
we can replicate the act
when all
the people gathere or
for one
depending on the intimacy referenced
and yet it’s all
there
for use
I suppose
if sometimes there is an I or a you or a we implied
and underlying
sometimes to say
the Earth itself should sing
to praise
provision and the might
that is
implied
or saved until a parting of the sea of
food fall from heaven
should
be needed
and did we think of these or simply fear
our need
and then the exigence addressed
though miracle
of
power
and
yes
we could say of timing
that we need what we need
when
needed
though we don’t command the schedule anymore
than the agenda
of what
God can do
or
when
so sing to the Lord or
read it off the page
our
expressions and intentions
as we might own
what
is given there and over centuries
and to you
to me
to us
and now
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Psalm 96
1 Sing to the Lord a new song;
sing to the Lord, all the earth.
2 Sing to the Lord, praise . . .
[NIV]
photo by Joël Vogt on Unsplash
guardian
is there an angel
and I think there is
if
I don’t know how many angels
are assigned wherever
and whenever
and how
they work their shifts
in a day
or night or in
an era
and
does each one get one and
maybe so
I have a presence
of a feeling of
one
and I don’t know
I could be wrong in heavenly creation
and whether or not
to have
similarity in voices
depending on
the client
and
the quotidian
need to know how many or only
one since that is close to doctrine
and yet one
or many
each is company and so many for each of us
have one
and
maybe always as in year
by year
and also all the moments in
each bit of present
time
by which we need
and want
or might be saved when we don’t know
or
get an answer
as
well as talk more openly
hoping to hear honestly by what
we get
on Earth
until we meet the delegate
and sponsor
when
there
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photo by Hulki Okan Tabak on Unsplash
2 poems about fire
by an imagined flame
a clear
hot
day and like the gray
to be inside
to pretend a fire
for the scene
of
reading
even to imagine pets curled
around one’s satisfaction
oval rug
curves in the seating and the cycling
of
friendship
through it all
‘round the truth
and
to assuage the fear of what
might
have gotten to us first
and more
but by some
measures to regard
and
put in practice
for the peace in dealing
be it
clearly well or
adulterated by pain in the now
as
well as pain before
recalling
that pain is fear
as well
good fire
by the real flame
which
is not by
but
in
you know
if you’ve heard
or
you were made to go
to school to
learn the faith
and now
apply
and so the fire is within
traveling from heart
to brain
and back again for
more
normalcy or pressure in a situation
to share and to assuage by
every source
within us
in
the crisis
the source of fire
within
because we had it come from
without
to live
and to be standing by
like
orders issues so
long ago as to be by creation’s rings
when set and first called
good
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